Motherhood.

As I sit here on the couch with the sun shining on me and my baby in his room napping, I am reminded again of God's faithfulness to me. I am exhausted, I have bags under my eyes, my house is a wreck, and I think of all the responsibilities I have. Some days I feel I have it all together, other days I feel like this. 

On days that I do feel like this I consistently see how selfish I can be, motherhood easily points that out to me a lot. If you know Josh and I well, you probably have heard that Jude wasn't planned to be born this soon. Actually he was not planned to be born for another couple years. Josh and I wanted to wait until after we finished MTC to have any children. But you know as well as I, we cannot put our hopes and trusts into our own plans, we can only put our trust the Lord and His plan for our life.

Because Jude wasn't planned, I find a lot of my selfish desires trying to make their way to the surface. Sometimes I feel like I missed out or am missing out on important things, but I realize they are only selfish. Things that I can go without in the big picture because they don't have any meaning other than for my own personal enjoyment. Motherhood has pointed out things in my life I wish I never had to deal with. See, I don't know if it is just me...but I like being selfish, I like when it is all about me, it makes me feel good! But it is so totally wrong. It is my flesh who wants to be selfish. When I accepted Jesus as my personal savior I gave up that to serve Him. It is the old flesh who just wants me to be a selfish, self-centered, man-pleasing, liar who has no reason to serve anyone other than itself. Instead I serve Jesus, who gave me a new flesh. One that serves others, who lays down its pride and selfishness, who looks to Jesus for strength and one that is satisfied through Him. 

On days like today, when I feel tired, when I remember that if I had the plan my way I would not have this huge responsibility, when I remember that it would just be Josh and I; I need to remember it is not about me. It is not about my personal happiness. It is not about my life. It is however, about raising this boy up in the knowledge of truth. To raise him in such a way that is pleasing to my Father. To make disciples, starting with my children. To be thankful I have such a son who brings laughter, joy and growth to my life. Who stretches me more than I have ever been stretched. This is a challenge that I have to trust into the hands of my gracious Father. It is intimidating knowing that Jude will be here in our lives forever. It is intimidating that I will raise him past the baby years. But it is ever wonderful to know that the Lord showed us that this is the best time to start raising him, and He will be beside us every step of the way. He blessed us so richly by giving him to us; it is our job to see that through.

There are so many things that I can go on about, as these are things that I have been learning. I normally wouldn’t write a post that seems so personal to me, but I know our Father can use times like this for encouragement to our brothers and sisters around us. Jude has been such a wonderful gift to Josh and I; we love having him in our family and learning as he teaches us. I pray that maybe his little life has taught you too.

Photo Credit: Bethel Ann Photography

Felicia

Springtime in Pennsylvania!

They say April showers bring May flowers, but after these April snow showers, I just don't know what to think anymore.  Life is going well here in Northeast PA, and we hope and pray that you and your families are doing well and eagerly waiting for spring and summer just as we are!  It's interesting that among all the things I can become discontent with, weather and the seasons are one of those things as well.  And just as eagerly as we wait for spring, warmth and sunshine, God would have us wait just as eagerly for His Son's coming.

I'm not sure how many of you follow us on Facebook, but if you don't you may have missed new adventures for Jude.  He is starting to crawl, albeit army style, but once he sees something that catches his attention he will crawl for it.  He has new interests in the food category as he is eating avocados, pears/raspberries, carrots and bananas.  And as you can see in the picture, he goes bananas for...bananas.  He loves rolling onto his belly, so much so that he has fun doing it is his crib for nap time!

Josh's work is going good too.  I don't know if we've talked about it much on here, but he has a co-worker who we believe is a believer but he has some lifestyle behaviors that aren't consist with the Word of God and the life God wants him to live.  They've had lots of conversations and it has been challenging at times so please pray for that.  Josh gave him a book called "By This Name", the other day which is a book that tells the Bible's overarching story from Genesis to Revelation and also talks about the authority and reliability of the Bible.  Felicia is enjoying the time she gets with Jude every day and loves getting to see him learn new things and explore the world around him.  Of course it gets tiring sometimes sitting home all day and caring for him but she wouldn't trade it for anything and she has a mentor she meets with regularly and other activities with married ladies that gets her out of the house.  As for our MTC application, we are almost done!  All of our references and paperwork are done and our pastor just got his reference form on Monday.  So once he turns that in, we will hear back about our acceptance to missionary training for August 2016.  Thank you for your prayers for this, we are very excited for what lies ahead and where God will lead us.

Trusting God has been such an important lesson that God continues to impress on our hearts and minds.  I mean there's so many areas of life to trust God, from finances to raising Jude, our marriage, etc, but it sounds so vague to say "God I trust you with my life" you know?  I (Josh) have been reading Isaiah and I came across a familiar story about Judah and their relationship with God in Isaiah 26.  Isaiah says in the day when God destroys death forever, Judah will sing this song.  26:3-4 says "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock."  For Judah they will have learned that peace and security doesn't come from human kings, earthly powers, Assyria or their own righteousness, but from God and Him alone.  Similarly, peace and security does not come from our acceptance to MTC, a right parenting philosophy or a healthy marriage, but from God and God alone.

I know we say this every time, but we truly and wholeheartedly appreciate every single of you.  We view you as family and value your encouragement, insight and prayers over the years and in the present.  We love you guys!!

Josh, Felicia and Jude